Stockton Cabal: San Joaquin's Second-Most Trusted Name in Fake News

It's true, the Stockton Cabal exists. The shadowy, backroom-dealing elite that secretly controls Stockton? The one the 209 Times rails against in every other breathless screed? That's us. If we're going to be a clandestine force manipulating the city from the shadows, we might as well provide some fake news along the way.

You might be thinking, "But isn't the 209 Times already doing that?" While they're busy perfecting the art of "grassroots journalism" via strategically leaked closed-session minutes and thinly veiled threats, we're here to provide the truly unhinged, deeply speculative, and utterly fabricated insights into what's really happening behind the velvet ropes of power. Because let's face it, when the local grand jury is practically begging city officials to stop being bullied by a social media site, the line between "news" and "fan fiction" has blurred beyond all recognition.

We believe that if you're going to have your local government run by a website that operates with the ethical standards of a middle school rumor mill, you might as well get some truly entertaining fake news out of it.

So, if you're tired of "journalism" that feels more like a shakedown, and you're ready for "news" that's entirely made up but infinitely more amusing, you've come to the right place. Stockton Cabal: Because when the actual fake news takes over, parody becomes civic duty. And no, Councilmember Mariela Ponce is still unavailable for comment. We suspect she is busy enjoying a well-deserved, if entirely fabricated, invisibility cloak, courtesy of us, the shadowy, all-powerful Stockton Cabal. You're welcome.