New Councilmember Makes History With State of the City No-Show, Shatters City Absenteeism Record in First Six Months
STOCKTON, CA – For the first time in Stockton's long and storied history, a City Councilmember was officially marked absent from the annual State of the City address. The empty chair belonged to none other than District 2 Councilmember Mariela Ponce. She is so consistently elusive, the city's beleaguered press corps has dubbed her Councilmember "Unavailable for Comment" Ponce.
Sources close to Ponce's office confirmed that the councilmember had a "packed schedule of incommunicado activities" that directly conflicted with the State of the City. "She had a full day of not answering phone calls, followed by a working lunch of not responding to emails, and then an evening seminar on the art of the silent head-nod."
While her colleagues listened to the mayor's vision for Stockton's future, Ponce was reportedly upholding a "long-standing and deeply personal commitment to being unavailable."
The Mayor's office, when asked about Ponce's absence, seemed unfazed. "We sent her an invitation," said a spokesperson. "We assume it was received and placed in a secure, undisclosed location where it will not be acknowledged. We respect her dedication to her principles."
A group of constituents from her district, when asked for their reaction, collectively shrugged and said, "Yeah, that tracks."
This most recent absence has left Stockton residents to wonder, "Where is Mariela?" Her handler, 209 Times CEO Motecuzoma Sanchez, has yet to provide a sufficient response. Ponce has already amassed a collection of no-shows at official city meetings and events. Her historic no-show at the State of the City is not an isolated incident but rather the crowning achievement in a record-shattering run of absences. In just her first six months in office, Councilmember Ponce has managed to miss an astonishing eight official meetings, a pace that has city statisticians scrambling to check the record books.
No-Show 3/4 - Closed Session
No-Show 3/17 - Special Meeting
No-Show 4/1 - Closed Session & Strategic Planning & Goal Setting Workshop
No-Show 5/13 - Regular Meeting
No-Show 6/2 - Special Session on Good Governance
No-Show 6/3 - Closed Session
No-Show 6/5 - Budget Study Session
No-Show 6/10 - State of the City
From closed sessions and special meetings to critical budget workshops and good governance discussions, her name on the attendance sheet is more often absent than present. At this rate, analysts project that by the end of her term, Ponce's council chair will have spent more time empty than occupied, setting a new, seemingly untouchable, city record for truancy.
In a "pre-recorded non-statement" released after the event, a spokesperson for Ponce's office stated, "The Councilmember is aware that the State of the City occurred. She will be taking the contents of the address under advisement and will have no further comment at this time, or at any time in the foreseeable future." The "non-statement" was delivered via a blank sheet of paper, which an aide described as "symbolic of the Councilmember's commitment to clear and concise communication."
Councilmember Ponce Misses State of the City, Cites "Prior Commitment to Being Unavailable for Comment"
