Mayor Fugazi Pisses On Our Heads and Calls It Rain: Defends Colangelo's "Accomplishments"
STOCKTON, CA - Last Friday Stockton Mayor Christina Fugazi staunchly defended her controversial vote to place Steve Colangelo as Interim City Manager, despite a mountain of municipal incompetence.
“The decision to support Interim City Manager Colangelo has been one of the best decisions I have made as mayor, in concert with the city council,” Fugazi said. “His accomplishments speak volumes about his capability and dedication to the City of Stockton. I would make the same decision again without hesitation.”
Reporters were quick to point out several issues: Colangelo's $14 million budget fiasco, the mismanagement of the special and professional services account, and a recent scandal where he was caught misallocating Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) funds to pay for a City Manager consultant. The "consulting contract" in question involved him consulting himself on the best way to spend the money, after which he hired Lathrop City Manager Steve Salvatore as his "tutor."
"This isn't a tutor, folks, this is smart investing!" Fugazi exclaimed, gesticulating wildly. "Mr. Colangelo, in his infinite wisdom, recognized that to truly lead, one must first be led. It's a leadership paradox! A management Möbius strip! And bringing in Mr. Salvatore, a man of proven experience, to... uh... 'guide' Mr. Colangelo, is a testament to our commitment to fiscal responsibility and innovative problem-solving."
Reporters, still reeling from the DEI fund debacle and the concept of an Interim City Manager needing a live-in sensei, pressed further. "Mayor, with all due respect," began one particularly bold reporter, "isn't this simply an admission that Mr. Colangelo was never qualified for the job in the first place, and that the city is now paying two salaries for one role, all while our DEI funds are being... creatively reallocated?"
Fugazi paused, her eyes narrowing. She then leaned in conspiratorially, her voice dropping to a stage whisper that was clearly audible to everyone in the room. "Let me tell you, what you perceive as 'unqualified' or 'mismanagement' is simply... a different way of doing things. A truly disruptive approach to civic leadership. You're just not seeing the genius of it yet. It's like trying to explain quantum physics to a varsity quarterback during finals week. I was a high school science teacher. I know what I'm talking about." She then gave a knowing wink that seemed to suggest an inside joke only she and perhaps a select few IT guys who know how to delete emails understood.
The city announced that the contract with Salvatore was completed “After (Colangelo) demonstrated competency in city operations.” Talk about a delayed job interview! It's quite the arrangement when you're hired for a job, but your competency evaluation doesn't begin until after you've officially started!
Salvatore provided a statement for his recent decision to end his contract: "My departure has nothing to do with the rumored closed session spanking I received by the Lathrop City Council. The truth is a few-hour crash course in municipal government was all that was needed. Colangelo is like a sponge. He even got a D on his "City Management for Dummies" test. In my book, that's a passing grade."
Councilmember Mariela "unavailable for comment unless Motec writes it for me" Ponce was asked to provide her perspective on the Mayor's support for Colangelo. Ponce informed the press that Motec is on vacation this week.
As Stockton continues its descent into what can only be described as a darkly comedic political satire, one thing remains clear: Mayor Fugazi's unwavering faith in Steve Colangelo, despite a litany of exposed blunders, an utter lack of qualifications, and a trail of financially questionable decisions, proves that in Stockton, "incompetence" is merely a stepping stone to "strategic genius." And if you don't believe it, well, you're probably just a varsity quarterback.
In Stockton, Incompetence Is Just Another Word for "Strategic Genius," Mayor Explains
