Stockton Settles for Simple Mini-Golf After ‘Caddyshack’ Dream Deemed Too Expensive, Explosive

STOCKTON, CA – The much-anticipated miniature golf course, aptly named "The Mini," had its soft opening this past weekend at Swenson Park Golf Course, much to the delight of local putt-putt enthusiasts who discovered a course that prides itself on its unadorned, straightforward design. "It's nice, simple, you know? Like a regular golf course, just... tiny," commented one resident, perfecting her putt.

Gone are the giant dinosaur sculptures, the spinning windmills, and the elaborate water features often associated with miniature golf. "The Mini" offers a pure putting experience: well-maintained greens, a few gentle undulations, and holes—offering Stocktonians a refreshingly straightforward putting experience.

However, the tranquil debut of "The Mini" was swiftly overshadowed by a bombshell revelation that the city had much more ambitious plans for Swenson’s miniature golf course. "The Mini" was originally envisioned as a sprawling, Disney-esque experience, themed after the classic film Caddyshack.

According to findings, the initial, scrapped proposal for Swenson's miniature golf course would have been called the "Bushwood Mini Club." The course would have included:

* The "Cinderella Story" Dream Putt: This hole features a single, perfectly manicured green. As you putt, hidden sensors trigger a disembodied voice to yell, "It's in the hole! It's in the hole!"

* "Al Czervik's Golf Bag": Players must putt their ball through a series of obstacles designed to look like Al Czervik's overstuffed golf bag.

* "Bishop Pickering's Stormy Retreat": This hole would have replicated the famous scene where Bishop Pickering plays golf in a thunderstorm. Miniature storm clouds, complete with flashing lights and thunder sound effects, would create a dramatic, if somewhat terrifying, putting experience.

* The "Flying Wasp": Featuring a meticulously detailed miniature replica of Judge Smails' yacht. Golfers must putt their ball onto the yacht, which then slowly floats across the water hazard.

* The "Gopher's Gauntlet": This hole features the iconic animatronic gopher from the movie, perched precariously near the hole. When a ball approaches, the gopher springs to life, dancing erratically and sometimes subtly nudging the ball away from the hole.

Caddyshack Dream Derailed

A groundskeeper at Swenson, who was handed a phone and told to "handle it," offered a simpler take. "Look, it's a nice little course. You hit the ball, it goes in the hole. Sometimes. We have no knowledge of any plans involving Bill Murray, exploding anything, or boats. Besides, our insurance premium is high enough as it is."

When questioned about the findings, Councilman Michael Blower simply nodded, a single tear tracing a path down his cheek. He let out a long sigh. "Ah, yes... Bushwood. My magnum opus," he said, a bittersweet smile forming. "It's true. All of it. A tribute to the common man. The Flying Wasp, the Bishop getting struck by lightning, the Dalai Lama... total consciousness. I dreamt of laughing children, animatronic gophers, and meticulously recreated yacht disasters." He paused, his smile fading. "But then came the killjoys. The actuaries. The risk assessment managers. Apparently, and this was a shock to me, the city's liability policy doesn't cover spontaneous boat demolition." Blower straightened his tie, regaining his composure. "So, we pivoted. 'The Mini' is a far more... prudent outcome for our community."

Only time, and perhaps a few more public information requests, will tell what truly happened to the dream of a Caddyshack-themed mini-golf course in Stockton. For now, golfers at "The Mini" will just have to settle for the mild frustration of a perfectly scaled, yet still frustrating, game of... golf.

“It Was My Magnum Opus”: Councilman Laments Defeat of His ‘Caddyshack’ Mini-Golf Dream