Stockton Makes History, Hires $31,000-a-Month Rubber Stamp

STOCKTON, CA - Following a rigorous and exhaustive search that reportedly involved "looking at, like, one guy," the new Stockton City Council hired Steve Colangelo to run California's 11th largest city. Colangelo's primary qualification, sources within the council confirm, was his "impressive collection of office supplies," most notably a large, unblemished rubber stamp.

"We needed someone decisive," explained Councilmember Michele Padilla, dabbing her forehead with a tissue. "Someone who could really get behind our initiatives. And when we saw Steve's pristine, unused rubber stamp… well, let's just say the search was over. It was like destiny, but with more ink."

Colangelo, whose previous professional experience includes "managing an extensive collection of novelty erasers" and "occasionally sorting his mail," expressed enthusiasm for his new role. "I'm really looking forward to this opportunity," he beamed at a press conference, carefully holding up an oversized stamp that read "APPROVED!" "I've been practicing my stamping technique, and I think I'm ready to approve... well, whatever needs approving."

Concerns from the public regarding Colangelo's lack of municipal management experience have been dismissed by Vice Mayor Jason Lee who emphasized that during his stamping trials, Colangelo displayed "exceptional hand-eye coordination" and "an unparalleled ability to apply affirmative pressure to official documents."

"Experience is overrated," said Mayor Christina Fugazi. "What we need is someone who understands the importance of saying 'yes.' And Steve? Well, Steve speaks fluent 'yes,' with the satisfying thud of a well-inked stamp."

When asked about specific upcoming projects, Councilmember Padilla winked and said, "Let's just say we have some exciting new plans and Steve's stamp is going to be very busy."

Motec Sanchez was unavailable to provide Councilmember Mariela Ponce with a comment.

Colangelo proudly showing off his big shiny $31,000-a-month rubber stamp.