Stockton Vice Mayor to Revive "Girls Gone Wild" as "Bold New Female Empowerment Initiative"
STOCKTON, CA – Stockton Vice Mayor Jason Lee, widely known for his insatiable craving for the spotlight and hailed for his visionary leadership in bringing a "Wild 'N Out" event to the city, today announced his latest groundbreaking initiative: the revival of the iconic "Girls Gone Wild" franchise, rebranding it as a "bold new female empowerment program" for Stockton's young women.
"Stockton, we've dabbled in comedy; now it's time to take it to the next level. We're talking 'Girls Gone Wild: Stockton Edition!'" declared a beaming Lee at a press conference held, fittingly, in the parking lot of a closed Blockbuster Video. He then held up a faded 'Girls Gone Wild' DVD case. "I knew we had to go bigger. We needed to bring back a classic. We needed… Girls Gone Wild. This isn't just about fun, folks. This is about liberation! This is about providing a platform for our young women to express themselves, to shed the shackles of societal norms, and to truly embrace their inner strength… on camera. Complete with a special guest appearance by hip-hop legend, Snoop Dogg."
Lee clarified his progressive vision. "We're talking about empowering our daughters, our sisters, our mothers! We're giving them the tools – and by 'tools,' I mean, cameras and maybe some bead necklaces – to reclaim their narrative! To show the world that Stockton women are bold, unafraid, and ready to… well, you know. Be wild. For empowerment!"
When pressed by a skeptical reporter on the seemingly contradictory nature of "Girls Gone Wild" and "female empowerment," Lee scoffed. "Oh, the narrow-mindedness! This isn't your daddy's 'Girls Gone Wild'! This is 'Girls Gone Wild: The Feminist Awakening Edition'! We'll have workshops on self-confidence, seminars on breaking down patriarchal structures, and then… well, then the cameras roll, and the real empowerment begins! And who better to help us empower women than the Doggfather himself, Snoop D-O-double-G?"
Snoop Dogg's publicist could not be reached for comment, though a cryptic tweet from the rapper's official account simply read: "Stockton, u know how we do. C ya soon. BYOC." (Bring Your Own Camera, presumably).
He elaborated, "Imagine: a young woman, finally free from the male gaze, spontaneously… expressing herself in front of a camera crew for hundreds of thousands of internet viewers. What could be more empowering than that? It's about taking control of their own image! And by 'taking control,' I mean, it'll probably be uploaded to a questionable website, but that's a small price to pay for progress!"
Lee then detailed his "vision" for the event, which reportedly includes a "designated flashing zone", a "wet-t-shirt contest" in a repurposed car wash, and a "Snoop Dogg's 'Gin and Juice' Hydration Station" (which concerned city health officials are already investigating).
Reporters attempted to get a female perspective of the event by speaking with Lee's fellow city council colleague Mariela Ponce. When approached by reporters, an aide simply pointed to a cloud of dust rapidly disappearing down the street, muttering, "She's... conducting an important community outreach initiative."
Other sources close to City Hall, speaking anonymously for fear of being forced to attend a mandatory 'twerking seminar,' suggested "I fully expect his next initiative to be a 'mud wrestling for financial literacy' program."
Lee responded to critics. "Please. It's just good clean fun. And by 'clean,' I mean, we'll probably hose down the parking lot afterwards. It's about freedom of expression! We're talking about putting Stockton on the map, and if that map includes a lot of blurry, low-resolution videos, then so be it!"
As Lee concluded his remarks, "Stockton, get ready for a wild ride! And remember to tell your friends to bring their camcorders!" He then urged Stockton's young women to "dust off those bikinis and prepare for a feminist revolution!"
Vice Mayor Jason Lee announcing his upcoming female empowerment “Girls Gone Wild” event.
