"White Colonizers Day": Mayor Fugazi's July 4th Rebranding in Desperate Bid to Win Back Jason Lee

STOCKTON, CA – Stockton Mayor Christina Fugazi has reportedly unveiled a last-ditch effort to mend fences with Vice Mayor Jason Lee: a proposal to officially rename the Fourth of July as "White Colonizers Day."

The shocking resolution, which many are calling desperate pandering, is being widely interpreted as the latest maneuver in the ongoing, highly public feud between Fugazi and Lee. "It's a move you'd expect from a San Francisco mayor, not someone who's supposed to represent the diverse values of Stockton," commented one bewildered local, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being labeled "a white colonizer."

Sources close to City Hall suggest that Fugazi is pulling out all the stops to prove her unwavering commitment to progressive ideologies. This wouldn't be the first time the mayor has veered sharply left to solidify her "woke" bona fides. A few years ago, Fugazi famously helped craft Stockton's controversial Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) policy, much to the dismay of her Republican supporters.

The proposed holiday rebrand isn't even Fugazi's first attempt to rewrite the calendar. Insiders recall her earlier push in the Stockton Legislative Committee to swap Columbus Day for Indigenous Peoples' Day, a move that, while perhaps less audacious, certainly foreshadowed her current trajectory.

As the city grapples with the fallout of this truly explosive proposal, all eyes are on Jason Lee, whose response remains the most anticipated element of this bizarre political drama. Meanwhile, Councilmember Mariela Ponce, ever the political tightrope walker, was unavailable for comment, with sources indicating she's waiting for a definitive ruling from local media mogul 209 Times CEO Motecuzoma Sanchez before deciding which side of the Fugazi-Lee chasm to ultimately land on.

Whether this audacious gambit will finally thaw the frosty relationship between Fugazi and Lee remains to be seen, but one thing is clear: Stockton is in for a truly memorable Fourth of July, no matter what it's called.

Stockton Set to Celebrate 'White Colonizers Day' This July 4th?